The Bare Ass Booze Pitch

Nudity and liquor seem like a sure-fire combo to get the media’s attention. After all, this headline got your attention. But sometimes PR people can over share on behalf of their clients.

This is one of those times.

This news release posing as a pitch was forwarded by a Philadelphia-based reporter to "Trebuchet," a fan of the Bad Pitch blog. She is also the author of the wonderfully-written Legwarmers. If you think we’re funny, check out Legwarmers. Butt first…

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Subject: Alert! - Naked man seen romping and stomping in Chaddsford vineyards!!!!

MYSTERY REVEALED:
CHADDSFORD WINERY BARES ALL

CHADDS FORD, PA – Officials in and around the ordinarily sleepy Chester County countryside, the heart of the state's emerging wine industry, have issued an alert warning the community of reports that a naked man has been seen romping, stomping and scampering around in the vineyards operated by Chaddsford Winery.

Local law enforcement has confirmed numerous reports of sightings of this mysterious naked man have been logged in throughout the Summer months.

"It's really no cause for alarm at all," chuckles winemaker Eric Miller, who founded Chaddsford Winery, Pennsylvania 's leading winery, more than 20 years ago with his wife Lee. "The reports of a naked man fumbling about in the vineyards are directly related to our new Naked Chardonnay. Just think about the sense of intimacy I can achieve with the grapes...I mean, how do you think I make a Naked Chardonnay?"

Following current trends and today's consumer preferences, Miller stripped his 2005 Chardonnay down to the bare essentials to reveal it's au natural flavors. Doffing the traditional barrel aging approach he has used to create rich earthy Chardonnays for more than two decades, Miller has peeled off the distractions of oak, leaving just delicious fruit, crisp acidity and pure Chardonnay essence with no cover ups.

"Once you've experienced the easy sippin' Naked Chardonnay for yourself, you'll be convinced that naked is the way to go," he says. "When stripped and unencumbered this Chardonnay is a lot like a refreshing Pinot Grigio or Sauvignon Blanc."

The new 2005 Naked Chardonnay is available at Chaddsford Winery and its five area retail shops, which are located in Peddler's Village (Bucks County), Exton Square Mall, Montgomery Mall, Springfield Mall and the Ardmore Farmer's Market at Suburban Square.

Chaddsford Winery, the largest and best-known winery in Pennsylvania, has led the way for a burgeoning premium wine region to emerge from the hills of the Brandywine Valley, both as a producer of world-class wines and as a leader of the young Pennsylvania wine industry. It is located on Route 1 in Chadds Ford, PA. The winery is open for tours, tastings and sales every day from 12-6 pm. For more information about Chaddsford Winery and 2005 Naked Chardonnay, please visit the website at www.chaddsford.com or call 610-388-6221.
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As if this weren’t bad enough, Trebucht tells us: The pitch had two, unrequested photos attached. “Both were photos of a naked winemaker, romping in his vineyard. Grapes covered the sensitive bits of the photos, but they were of a naked winemaker and grapes, nonetheless.”

I think I just threw up a little.

OK, look past the typos and the fact that romping, scampering, chuckles, doffing, sippin' and burgeoning were all used in the same release. Actually, don't look past this.

If all you have to keep a news release from reading like an ad is a small joke that requires you to beat your Thesaurus senseless to keep it up (the joke I mean) step away from the computer. There might be a story in the above train wreck, but do not use a news release to tell it.

When we tell you less is more, we mean showing some restraint, not sending semi-naked pictures. When you do phone follow up, do you ask if they want to interview the winery's well hung over spokesperson?

If you're targeting food critics, they don't seem like an audience that would warm to a joke like this (and not just for the obvious sanitary concerns). We get the joke based simply on the name of the wine. Leave it at that. One look at the client’s web site and the pitch seems all the more out of character and insulting.

Instead, focus on what truly makes Naked Chardonnay different and highlight it on a wine bottle media kit. Get empty bottles from the winery and create a pitch brief enough to go on a large label that you print and apply.

Offer to redeem the media kit for a full bottle if they’re interested in a wine tasting or, if they're not, ask them to recycle the bottle. This avoids the issue of giving booze to the media, and it's sure to get their attention without appearing silly.

Until then, study up on a real wine story--Stormhoek. It’s an ongoing example of building a brand slowly, but surely and solidly, through social media.

And if your clients are drinking their own wine, check the label and make sure it’s not from this vineyard.

louvresculpt04 uploaded by Andrew Burd

tags | public relations | PR | media relations | wine | good pitch | bad pitch | bad pitch blog | Stormhoek