Fire The Client (Or, The Kiss-Off On My List)



This post has been a long coming.  And not a moment too soon. 



Every now and then we are fortunate to have dreamy clients – the ones that appreciate the work that you do, listen to hard-earned advice and pay heed to well thought out guidance. And then there are the others: ungrateful customers, depleting you of every ounce of patience, energy and tolerance. While getting rid of business is not in the handbook on How to Make Money During Tough Times, calling up your worst client and saying, “Go,” might just be the best thing that has ever happened to you.



I have been doing the client/vendor dance for a whopping 19 years as the ever-excitable head of RLM PR; a firm that's had its ups, downs and sideways! But prior, I was head of PR for Columbia Business School and my main client, the long-gone Dean, treated his shoes better than his employees. So I know, first-hand, what working for The Disrespectful is like. Oh boy.

I can see a sucky client coming from a mile way. I know when one is going to be trouble early on. Signs are so obvious, but you hope you can make them better.

And in the last super-tough year, I've seen the worst in customers, ones that create -- and make - more unhealthiness in our own lives than money should mean to anyone. Some clients still think they “reign supreme,” making unreasonable demands by the bushel. For those who respect you, act within reason, don't question your every move, and pretty much accept that you know what you're doing…give them your absolute best 24 hours a day, every day.



The rest--give to the history books.



Service businesses are in a tough predicament these days. Everyone is in service now. The days of manufacturing a product are far and few between--and even those come with service round the clock!

As Peggy Noonan said in the WSJ this weekend, the problem with business nowadays is we're not selling anything but ourselves--uh oh. "We're always in touch, in negotiation. We interact so much, we wear each other down. We wear away the superego and get straight to the id, and what we see isn't pretty."



That's why making money has to be more about taking whatever you can get...no matter what the economy feels like outside. Sometimes losing money is better than working with someone who just a) doesn’t appreciate your talent; b) is tremendously difficult to be around or c) is a complete ass.



An "ass" is someone who treats you or your teammates like some kind of punching bag. They lo-o-ove to see how far they can take it. It's a game to these fools. (Normally, if you push back hard they stop acting the fool. But, again, it's a game.)

What can you do? Forge ahead with those who deserve your hard work and tell the others to take a hike.  You know who you are, but some clients are so ridiculous in their expectations that no amount of money in the world is worth one more call with them.

So here I go: 

In Lettermanesque style, I proffer the Top 10 List of when to jump the ship and dump the client. Feel free to add your own below (or privately to me), since I only know from my own experience, that of sleepless nights leading to jumping out of bed and acting decisively!


10 Ways You Know It's Time To Give a Client Notice

 




10. You don't trust them as far as you can throw them!

Look, you want to believe their day-to-day meanderings ("We can't give numbers but they really are terrific....") but in your heart you know it's all Kool-Aid being drunk by people who are not succeeding in the least. Their hope is they'll get enough attention to get bought before they're caught. And you can't fix this. Ask the local divorce lawyer: Without trust, there IS no relationship.



9. Everything they demand is in direct contrast to what you know to be right (and by “right” I mean "please don't do that, it will kill your momentum").



Why should you promote (or do anything) for a company that is merely going to do what it wants and never listen to counsel? It's a lose-lose situation and ultimately, you’ll be the one held responsible. Get out while you still own your dignity.



8. Client company is on its way down.



Yeah, sinking ship and all. If you could, you'd help them. But, in their own short-sightedness, they can’t see the helping hand right in front of them. There is a saying I live by: you can't "wisen" up a chump!



7. You keep sitting in on meetings with them that are at once pointless and breathless.

You could be doing laundry. Or sticking pins in your eyes. Both are more fun and profitable.

In fact, daytime TV can be better than a client meeting. CNBC has fine programming these days and it is, again, a better use of your time. (Day trading is especially exciting.)




6. You get the creeps when an email from this client crosses your in-box.

You'd rather be reading spam...  Or writing it?



5. You dread their responses to your questions because you know, once again, they aren’t paying attention to you but instead, are following their own agenda.

My advice--avoid them like two plagues coming in at once. 

And, you wait hours before you open them. That's no way to live. Who wants to fear the next depressing correspondence from someone whose satisfaction is impossible (and at this point you don't care if you get)?!



4. Getting their bill paid is tougher than the toffee at carnivals.



The amount of time you spend having to "ping" someone who avoids paying you is wasteful and disrespectful--and time not spent doing great work for good customers. You entered into an agreement to deliver a valuable service and they agreed to pay. If they aren’t, they aren't worth the time. 



3. The client keeps making you think about going into a new profession.



I think I missed the boat on brain surgery. It has to be easier than this, hey? When a client begins yet another baseless rant toward me, I happily muse about the 10 harsh years of med school that await me.

2.  You daydream about working with their competitor(s).



I usually know the client is history when the list-making process is underway. 
 

>And the number 1 reason. The person paying you is sure that everything they do is fantastic, despite having no notion of what fantastic is.  And no vision whatsoever.


You want to feel a fantastic sensation? Making the call to a bad customer and saying "Guess what? You, my friend, need to find a new agency. Stat!"
 

In the era of we're-all-providing-services, the customer is not always right. We possess expertise that does not reside within the client’s C-Suite, where we jump to solve every type of quick-flash crises, even those the company creates purposely. If we don't take a hard stand and TELL our clients when they are simply messing up (and if they can't handle the truth) then you're just yes-men and yeah-women. It won't work!

So there: a cheat sheet for X-ing out bad people. Read and rejoice. Let’s get through this second recession without acting desperate. Those untrustworthy/non-trusting people who question your judgment and act suspicious about the hard work you do forget why they agreed to give you money in the first place. It's a healthy idea to question the suggestions your clients give you; they do not have training in your field.



Do you ever wonder where constant lack of trust emanates from? Confucius once said to his disciples: "A man never looks under the bed who has not been there himself."



Enjoy the rest of this nutty year. Call me with your results. Or just exhale, fire the bastards and move on!



Twitter @laermer