Open Letter to Peter Shankman: HARO was for sale, Christmas is not!

In a press release the likes of which the two of us have never quite seen before, it turns out that Peter Shankman, “creator of Shankman.com,” will be hosting an “exclusive holiday party” for the “movers and shakers of the social media world.”

No, we did not make that up.

The fact is, Peter, as he likes to be called, is now a “social media socialite.” That's what a thousand Cosmos in a thousand cities will get you.

We will give you a minute to take that in. I guess it could have been worse and he could have opted for Social Media Socialista.

According to something potentially resembling a release (the kind we advise against every frickin' day), and distributed yesterday over PR Web, he’s hosting an “over-the-top holiday bash with the most influential Twitter and Facebook personalities in attendance.” Somehow, the Fail Whale lost his invitation.

Let's just say that influence has never been so costly. And we want to be clear: influence is not to be confused with popularity. According to the release, which reads like The Onion on a meth binge, “Guests of the first-of-its-kind party will be personally-chosen specifically by their social media influence and engagement.”

Engagement? Where’s our ring!

Twitter and Facebook are talking about this. In fact, on a small but eager group I belong to on Facebook, people have been talking for a week or so about this ridiculous invitation (we did not get one, of course) that came from Klout, saying in fact…… You! You! You’re so big and girthy that you get to come to a party at (wait for it) the Hudson Terrace, which hasn’t been hot since the mood ring was in fashion.

So are you big enough to hang?

Quoth the really big fish: “We’re changing how people are invited to talk about brands and share information. By using the rich analytics of Klout, a site that allows companies to know and interact with the most influential names within their industry, only those most engaged industry leaders will be invited to attend this exclusive event.”

Here’s the kicker. Peter once owned a company, Help A Reporter Get A Buzz On [disclosure: my firm RLMpr represented HARGABO for two long months], now owned by Vocus, a gigantic corporation that cannot be loving the release in question:

More quotes. “The holiday party’s sponsors including The Venetian and The Palazzo in Las Vegas, Haworth, Jet Blue, Vocus [an offer they couldn't refuse?], and Nolcha will invite their high-profile industry influencers to celebrate the holiday season in the Big Apple.”

Then comes a quote from Haworth. This is one I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when someone made it up for her: “What fun this will be, to join Peter in exploring social media, especially with some of the unique opportunities he dreams up,” said Julie Smith, PR Manager for Haworth, Inc. (@haworthinc) [let’s tweet her now!]. “Haworth has a unique interest in how social media influences work environments and new communities. Corporate cultures are active participants in social media – willingly or unwillingly – and we are researching the workplace changes can be a result of this social shift.”

If this were any more off-brand, Haworth would start selling these

Gosh. The buzzwords above forced the throw-up onto my keyboard.

In case you haven’t had enough, here's more: “ Additionally, JetBlue Airlines will be flying in guests from other cities for this landmark event.” But I thought all JetBlue's parties took place on the escape hatch. I'm confused...

Sponsors? Did I say sponsors? “The party will include cocktails by Don Q Rums, Riazul Tequila and Pristine Vodka; a fusion of Mediterranean and Southern hors d'oeuvres by Mojo restaurant and lounge; pastries by award-winning Pastry Chef [well duh, he makes pastries so must we say it twice?] Henry Masterov; gift bags by GlobalFashionBrands.com and Nolcha, and sounds [who the hell says "sounds" today except Tony Orlando!?] by the world-renowned DJ Gravy.”

The gravy boat has arrived. The only thing missing is a Grinch, the Ghost of Christmas Present, a few reindeer, lizards a-leaping, my aunt who always falls asleep at the Christmas table, the cast of Glee, and Bob Dylan singing “O Tannenbaum” with a nasal intonation. What? Tannenbaum wasn’t a Jew? Now you’ve got me all ferklempt.

Please remember that social media is all about anti-elitism. It’s about connecting people…authenticity, transparency, meeting in real life. This flies in the face of social media…well when your arms are too busy holding a handmirror and beating….your chest, it’s tough to fly. But you know what we mean, Klout is a tool. Klout is being used to keep someone’s ego inflated in this specific application. This event is not about social media. It’s not about the Xmas spirit. It’s about Peter, whose Hanukkah spirit seems to have grown to a proportion even he hasn't realized. Alas, brands are on board so he doesn’t have to foot the bill. And it’s a shame.

Now back to work, you fools. And don’t wait for your invitation in the mail. Cause you know Peter’s flying in some really big ass-kissers for their trip of a lifetime, but unless you worship at his altar or add fuel to the Shankman fire, you're going to be waiting at the gate for a long, long time!



Don't Forget: Kevin and I are available, too, but not for a shindig at the Hudson Terrace, which is so "opulent" (the release claims) that we note it got a measly 2 stars from 151 reviews on Yelp! Anyone else got a party for us--you know we'll be there. Heck, we show up at the opening of a gold-plated envelope! Tweet us @laermer @badpitch and of course the reputable, clout-ish @prblog

CORRECTION MADE: Both of us saw a low Klout score when we first posted. We thought Peter was @shankman, score of almost nothing; turns out that's not his account on Twitter. He is @petershankman, which is indeed Klouty. We are happy for him. And his followers.