Dudes, stop your belly aching

I’ve been thinking a lot about bitching. See, I just got off my eighth flight in nine days (don’t ask) and everywhere I went there were citizens relishing their bad times. It was as if this had become the national pastime.

It made me think about my own interactions and whether or not this particular cynical New Yorker had reached a boiling point. Not to burst, mind you, but as a time to consider living in a world where people didn’t find everything “wrong"—and relish it so.

What would happen if everyone stepped out of their house for say one whole week and gave up the art of eye rolling—yes, including me? This isn’t Mr. Pollyanna speaking, merely an idea I got while watching U.S.-residing folks in eight different places make their lives just that much more difficult with their sour attitudes.

There was the woman online at the fake “airport Starbucks” (nothing like the local—there I am, complaining). Anyway, this lady was going on about having to stand in line, as if whatever she had to do was of consequence to anyone, meaning her too.

There was a lady sitting next to me as the pilot sweetly called out a 20 minute wait to fly off to New York (something about the U.N. and private jets and the President). She could not believe the audacity of George W. Bush holding us up!

There was this guy with two hands on two hips, enunciating his predicament to the woman at the desk as I cracked up: “I realize it’s a 30 minute flight but I do not care. I need that upgrade. I must have it...”

Again, why do people make it tough to exist? Their stomach lining must hate them.

So without further misanthropy, I offer help for all us PR types....advice that sank into me while enduring my eight-flight experience.

1. Stop making it seem as if everything is “drop dead” important. We all have deadlines and bosses who ask a lot (go ahead, laugh). Yet everyone knows this is the Age of Mediocrity, the weirdest era where everything is just below the water level. What do I mean? Nothing is really urgent.

2. Don’t play the blame game. Solutions are everywhere. Work hard to find them. You are then surprised how everyone relaxes when you say "I know we'll work this out. Let me start." I tried that recently and was amazed how everyone's shoulders relaxed and no one cared about the 'fuck-up' that had been until that second the end of the world. It never is, meanwhile. "The end of the world is the end of the world," is the defuser I use.

3. Press correspondence has to stop being filled with insider comments. Have you noticed a trend? Everyone wants their release to read like Radar magazine or Gawker. So many bad pitches sent Kevin and me are heavy with jokes about “Paris” (The Heir) and “Kevin” (Fed-Ex). Could it be another way of saying “I have nothing to say.” Say it without snarky asides...

4. Compliment more often, particularly in underwritten e-mails. While I’m on the subject of subject lines, can people stop writing without ANY starter conversation whatsoever? To just barrel in is so uncool. You can remember the last time (a while ago, I’m sure) someone said hey you looked good or I was just thinking how terrific you are. Those stick inside. So many e-mails are all, “Here’s what I want to tell you.” Quid pro quo means say something nice.

5. Gossip is boring and no one's out-of-home behavior shocks us anymore. Go ahead, point fingers, expend energy talking about the crap you're sure others have pulled; my Grandma always said: "Find the positive since it lasts longer." I realize Tony Robbins has been extolling the virtues of good forever, but now with the Government making us feel like losers we should lift each other and acknowledge the good. Those folks at these airports/planes/bars were all about their problems of the minute. From what I could eavesdrop, they were banal.

6. More on above: It’s not only concentrating on what's worth high-fiving. When you think about it, you got to do the same for yourself. As Sondheim said: Don't put yourself down. Let others do that. They usually do. For example, one of the passengers next to me was, I'm sure, a professional sigher. Pre-flight, this guy sat on the phone (naturally) and let everyone know his life was sucky. I did my best to ignore him. But then his pillow fell to the aisle, the passenger behind him tossed it back, kind of over him, and said it was so people wouldn’t step on it. Mr. Yucky went ballistic and that's when I stepped in: “Relax. She was giving it back. That was courteous.” He snarled. I changed my seat. Who wants to spend hours next to that? When this guy ends up institutionalized he'll recall the pillow tossing, and sigh again.

7. Manage up. It was once felt the tone of a company was set by management. No longer. These days, with the undeniable force of a bursting-forward generation running through offices with their verve and style, it’s up to said kids to stop the drama that fills empty spaces. And why empty? It’s more fun to gossip than work, 'guess. I stop the list with: Young people need to create an example that proves how they’re there to work, learn, gather comrades, get further in the world, and not be nodded toward as a bunch of Drama Queens.

We all know how easy it is to criticize, to damn people, to find fault and – like me– to use sarcasm as a mood enhancer. But as the planes themselves do each day, it’s letting out air pollution. People who communicate for a living cannot make any money off bad air, eh?

And bad hair -- well, that's another story!